O-blog-dee-o-blog-da

By Melanie Nathan, AUG 23, 2023.

Indeed it is true that Jani Allan found her religion, ‘born-again’ and spiritual path, but it was long before Pastor Gil Trusty of Calvary Chapel of Philadelphia would have had you believe. She would declare being a ‘Born Again Christian’ since 1994. That said, Jani’s long-term true friends know that the Church of Jani was one of a unique complexity. It included a navigation to balance “trying to please all” while being loudly outspoken for her own cemented beliefs, all couched in vulnerability, exacerbated at her life’s ending illness. One thing I know for sure, Jani lived her life “all inclusive,” and that her own morality and spirituality belied the constructs of organized religion.  Yet the erasures and exclusionary nature of her own memorial, which left her closest friends upset and horribly offended, served only to offend Jani’s memory, everything she had stood for and accomplished, throughout her profoundly significant life. Yes, Jani would have walked out of her own memorial. I have no doubt.

Jani Allan passed away a month ago in Newtown, near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, her home preceding her passing. Her new life in the Philadelphia area was all but perfect, having survived an abusive marriage in America, that landed her in a women’s shelter and the death of her beloved poms, all having devastating impacts. Soon the clutches of opportunism homed in on the scent of her loneliness and vulnerability. She fell into the hands of Calvary Church, which claimed her soul, their pawn in proselytizing.

Jani was a South African journalist, columnist, writer and broadcaster. She became a media celebrity back in the 80’s and 90’s. She was a columnist for the Sunday Times, South Africa’s biggest-circulating weekly newspaper. She published columns such as Just Jani, Jani Allan’s Week, and Face to Face. The newspaper commissioned a Gallup Poll in 1987 to find “the most admired person in South Africa” and she came first. In 2015, journalist Marianne Thamm described Jani as having been “the most influential writer and columnist in the country.” Jani left South Africa when her apartment was bombed by the far-right wing in 1989. Jan was never short of controversy.

Jani died last month, after being diagnosed with cancer. I attended Jani’s memorial yesterday. I have known Jani for many years, acutely aware of her fame and her work. Her memorial was attended by approximately fifty people at the Calvary Chapel. The service was broadcast around the world via Zoom, with Pastor Gil Trusty aware that many friends and fans, from all walks of life, would be tuning in for the service. I do not know how many showed up via Zoom.

The memorial was a disaster for most of us who were there. I am hoping to get feedback from Zoom participants, to hear about the service from their vantage point. From my angle there there were major transgressions that slighted her memory rather than serve it.

First let me provide context. We understood that this was a Church Jani attended for about a year before her passing and that she had made local friends who served as her accompaniment and encouragement to attend Calvary Church. Pastor Gil Trusty led the service. (See Memorial program)

Offensive Number 1: Pastor Trusty, described as an assistant Pastor at the Church, sermonized that Jani, known as Juliette to him and the congregation, had only just found Jesus, through coming to his Church. This was not accurate. But okay – claim ownership. He couched her journey as if having a brand new “coming home to Jesus,” which is the reason why she is now, according to Gil Trusty, in Heaven. Pastor Trusty made a point of noting that he considered Jani’s celebrity and fame to be of no consequence. The way we all heard it – was that Jani’s previous life as a South African famed columnist and broadcaster was to be cast aside and was negated as being of no importance or consequence whatsoever. The message was that all that is important to note is the fact that Juliette found Jesus before she died. Hence she became a “princess in heaven.” We all interpreted this to mean that Jani’s life, as she lived it, was of no significance or importance, to be discarded with a focus purely on her savior. At this point I started to feel like I was at the funeral of Jesus. Little did I know it was about to get worse, a lot worse.

It is mind-blowing to me to think that if one is “born-again” all before is erased. All true memory at memorial, not worth mentioning , embracing or nurturing. Bam – gone! Forgotten! And to hell with all of us who had any of those experiences with her. How insensitive. How unchristian! Her life as she lived it, did not count. Pastor Gil Trusty erased Jani Allan in his memorializing of Jani Allan. What could be more offensive and hurtful to her memory and her friends, than that! Jani wanted her legacy to reflect all that she had accomplished and for nothing to be forgotten. At this point Jani would have spoken up and walked out of her memorial.

While I do not want to breach any confidences, I did help Jani with her Last Will and Testament signed in the last weeks of her life and came to hear a lot and fully understood her last wishes. So, sitting there watching that man erase what she wanted memorialized felt like a grave injustice and that is why I am writing this piece. So, it may stand on the record. And also, in the hope of validating the feelings of so many – who perhaps may find a cathartic moment in this piece, as I hope to do for myself and for those aggrieved who sat next to me at the memorial.

Evidenced by the program, and in an email that preceded the memorial, Pastor Gil Trusty had made it clear that out of the 1.5-hour service he would only provide a total of 20 minutes for Jani’s friends to give eulogies. So 4 friends were included, each given 5 minutes. Names appear on the service program. It soon became apparent that there was a divisive designation in the lineup. Two were avidly “born again” Calvary Church members, “new friends” and the other two were not part of Calvary Church, to include one, Yvonne Meintjes, who had come all the way from Australia, twice. Once to be with Jani in her dying days and then again, a month later to attend this memorial.

Offensive number two: The first to speak was friend Cindy who delivered an emotional sincere and meaningful eulogy. She spoke fondly of Jani and her memories. She decided to yield 3 of her five minutes to Lauri, a very close friend who had been left out of the program by the Church. Laurie took the podium and spoke for about a minute. When she was about to read a quote, Pastor Gil approached her from his seat behind and whispered in her ear, telling her she was not supposed to be speaking and telling her to sit down. He shut her down. The Pastor of the Church shut down a friend one minute into a loving eulogy. Laurie returned to her seat, shaken, as were all of us. It was in this moment that I thought – “what would Jani do?” I realized that I had failed Jani, as had many of us. This was discussed afterwards. We should have stood up and demanded that Laurie be allowed another two minutes to finish what she wanted to say. Her eulogy was loving and nothing in it warranted her being shut down. It came across as bullying and mean spirited. He just did not want her to be heard. He blamed it on time. He shut HER down!

Offensive number three: I found friend Barrie’s Eulogy to be shocking! She made it clear that she is a Jew who found Jesus. Okay albeit unusual that is not the shocking part. What was shocking was her need to talk about herself. And her journey to Jesus. What was shocking was her giving a sermon rather than eulogizing her supposed friend. This did not come across like a loving tribute. It was an opportunistic moment – and that was clear to me, a complete stranger to her, who knew absolutely nothing about her before that moment. Apparently, she had befriended Jani in this past year. Her eulogy was not exactly a eulogy. It was a Jews for Jesus or no longer a Jew but now born again – SERMON! It was self-serving, self-aggrandizing in its holier-than-thou-dicta, and it was divisive and accusatory. She made a statement saying Jani had to wear different masks around different friends- divisive comment! She also made some other statements offensive to Jani’s memory. It was while hearing her that I realized there was a schism between how she contextualized Jani versus how we all had known Jani for so many years. I was shocked. I had never heard a eulogy like that and have been to a many such services in many differing religious or non-religious venues. She took about 9/10th of her time to preach about Jesus and how all of us should become born again to be saved or we would be doomed – and how wonderful coming home to Jesus it would do for ALL our lives.

Offensive number 4: By now the program has already had at least 45 minutes of sermon, prayer, songs and friend’s eulogies. It was now that Trusty began to deliver his 30–40-minute sermon, in earnest. Jani was barely mentioned. We sat there, Christians, Born Agains, Catholics, Jews, Buddhists, Hindis, Atheists, and probably more, all ready to memorialize our dear friend, only to be held hostage to an evangelical fundamentalist hard core church sermon about why we must all turn to accept Jesus, to be saved, and then most horrifically, “so that we could see our friend Jani Juliette again in heaven.” He told us if we did not take Jesus into our lived we would not make it to heaven. We were scolded and admonished and offered Calvary bibles. If we the group of all religions and none, did not turn to Jesus, we would never see Jani again. As if we were not sad enough? Sitting behind me, one very young women, fond friend of Jani, burst into tears, later citing how offended and excluded she felt at her friend’s memorial. People were hurt.  The shock at the chutzpah of the opportunism was palpable.

Offensive number 5: Jani’s friends had provided pictures of Jani that reflected her past and her noble accomplished life. They were upbeat and beautiful. They portrayed her exactly the way she would have wanted. This icon of fashion, lifestyle and much more. Most importantly to Jani is how the pictures depicted her love for animals and her special connection to that world, most especially her love for her Poms. Soon the friends who had provided the picture file, realized it had been added to and what followed, was a series of pictures of Jani in hospital and in her hospice bed, in a robe falling off her shoulder, hooked to tubes, dying. Knowing Jani and the fact that an untold number of unknown people were viewing through Zoom, her privacy was breached and abused in that moment. Again it felt opportunistic on the part of the Church. They wanted you to see a dying Jani. Jani did not want that. No real friend would have included those photographs. Nor would a real friend even ask for permission to include such insensitive private photos. That breach of privacy should be taken up by the executors of Jani’s Estate and the Church should be made to apologize.

THE FINAL OFFENSIVE: At the end of the service, many noted they were offended and wanted to walk out – but stayed in – not wanting to create a scene. So a few who could not contain themselves went up to Pastor Gil Trusty and expressed how sad, offended and disappointed they were, noting that the service did not reflect Jani justly and that she would have been horrified to have her friends feel divided or excluded or preached to or scolded at HER MEMORIAL. I jokingly noted – to make my point- JANI WOULD HAVE WALKED OUT OF HER OWN FUNERAL …..

How did Pastor Gil Trusty respond to the myriad of complaints? Well, he suggested – “You can have your own memorial. This is the Church she attended and that is what we do here. Go have your own service.” One friend chirped in – “and you call THAT BEING CHRISTIAN?”

Some reports from the Zoom audience:

• “Those preachers drove a wedge. That was unlike Jani and not fair to her memory.”

• The condescending attitude on part of this pastor demanding you all join the club to the exclusion of all other things in life, is exactly what is driving so much division through society in general. Jani was never like that. She was fascinated by nearly all things that were foreign to her. She felt drawn to the new, the usual the outrageous, the exotic.

• “That is why I stopped watching the service after the eulogies.,as the priest was really on my nerves. You don’t have to be “christian” y to have a place at the table. Belonging is a state of mind, not a church rite, Jani knew that. She embraced everyone through thick and thin, through sick and sin. She may have chosen to be “born again” but everyone throughout her life knew that she expressed she wished she had been born into the Jewish tradition. So the right reverend can stick that in his pipe and smoke it.”

I sat there, a Jew, with open mind and heart, albeit in a foreign sanctuary, and was made to feel unwelcome, unsafe and attacked – at a friend’s memorial. Instead of having the courage at the right time, I just sat there! This Pastor should have known that her friends here and abroad represent all walks of life and different religions and they were there to honor Jani, not Jesus! We were not there for conversions. I wish I would have stood up and yelled “BE A MENSCH AND STFU!”

THAT ALL SAID, well done dear Jani. You did it. It is absolutely fitting. Perfect for you to leave this world in a flurry of controversy. Speaking out is who you were. Your peace rests in speaking loud. For what is right.  Many love you forever, unconditionally, notwithstanding the things we did not agree about. And so we left that church for a nearby restaurant to talk and feel Jani, the real Jani.

Jani, we drank the best SHAMPOO in your honor, placing a full glass of the bubbly by your picture, celebrating who you were to all of us and the world. You are loved. You will be so sorely missed. May your legacy live to reflect your actual importance in this world. You live on – as you, the inimitable, brilliant, loving and outspoken Jani. Last word – we do not subscribe to the myopic notion that we will ‘never see you again if we do not give ourselves up to Jesus’ ….. because we still see YOU every day, in everything you loved on planet Earth.

MEET Janie for yourself – Her recent return to South Africa and an interview on SA TV:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1Lr1r8ozN8

 

Melanie Nathan
Human Rights Law
Expert Witness

 

 

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